Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
