i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
