super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just threw up on my dentist
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
