i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
