I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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