Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
40s are totally the cure
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
