So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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