so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
