were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
