We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
