I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
