Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
