We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i now understand why vodka
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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