Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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