You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
