some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
