whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
