Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
