i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
