don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
