Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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