its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
