There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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