I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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