Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk is a universal language darling
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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