i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
