if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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