Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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