I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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