is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
