im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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