On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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