At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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