i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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