I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
