Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
