When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
