Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
