He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
