there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
