She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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