Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
