ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
