If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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