Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
