Im at strip club and am horny
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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