cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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