It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
