Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
