my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
