Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
barbara walters just said penis...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
