Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
